dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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