His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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