i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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