Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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