He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
