Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
