one two three fourrrrnication!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
