great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
