so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
