ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
