Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
