She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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