Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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