He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
