he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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