thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
