Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this hospital has no fireball
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
