look no pants
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize