Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
