Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
