i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
