Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is my gift to your gina
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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