Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
