she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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