Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
