and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
