i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
