perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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