I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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