my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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