I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
