LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
false alarm, still single
Randomize