Don't you send me to vm
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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