he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
