It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
