He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
People in love make me want to vomit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
