connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
