I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
