She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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