Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
