Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
