he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
