He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
