toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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