Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
