he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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