It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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