So drunk its hurt
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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