Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
