Moan for me like Helen Keller
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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