I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
