K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
