craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
