Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
