He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
