I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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