I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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