the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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