I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
