everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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