I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
