Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
