those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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