Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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