i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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