i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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